Finally Letting Myself Enjoy Life

Welcome to my Unmasking Autism series. This is where I share what I’m learning as I begin to understand my autistic experience and gently come home to myself. These posts are personal, honest, and written with tenderness for the parts of me that have spent years surviving.

For a long time, when people asked what my hobbies were, I didn’t have an answer.

I would freeze a little, smile, and try to think of something acceptable to say. Something normal. Something that didn’t sound awkward. But the truth was simple.

I didn’t know.

And looking back, I think that says a lot about how much of my life I’ve spent in survival mode. When you’re surviving, you’re not exploring. You’re not resting. You’re not trying things just because they’re fun. You’re focusing on getting through. On keeping it together. On managing your energy and your emotions and your capacity.

Survival mode doesn’t leave much room for enjoyment.

Unmasking has been changing that.

Because as I learn more about my autistic experience, I’m realizing that I’m allowed to have joy that doesn’t need to be productive. I’m allowed to like what I like. I’m allowed to spend time on things that soothe my senses, regulate my nervous system, and make me feel present in my body.

And lately, I’ve been slowly collecting hobbies like little proofs that I’m coming back to life.

Coloring

Coloring has been one of the most surprising comforts. It’s calming and repetitive in the best way. The supplies matter for me, because the right paper and pens make it feel smooth instead of frustrating. When I color, my mind quiets down. My body slows. I feel present. It’s like giving my brain a soft place to land.

Plants

Plants have become another gentle joy. Caring for something living feels grounding, and watching new growth feels like a small miracle every time. There’s also something regulating about routines like watering, checking leaves, repotting, and rearranging my little green corners. It’s quiet. It’s steady. It makes my home feel safe.

Rocks

I love rocks. I always have. I don’t even fully know how to explain it without sounding like a kid, but maybe that’s part of the point. Rocks feel like treasure. Like tiny pieces of the earth that I get to hold in my hand. Finding them, sorting them, collecting them, noticing patterns and colors and textures, it scratches a very specific itch in my brain. It makes me happy in a simple, childlike way.

Blogging

Blogging has become a place where I can be fully myself without the pressure of face to face communication. I can take my time. I can choose my words. I can tell the truth gently. Writing helps me process, organize my thoughts, and create meaning out of my experiences. It feels like a safe form of connection.

Decluttering

This one surprised me too, but decluttering has been incredibly regulating. When my environment is chaotic, my brain feels chaotic. Letting go of excess, organizing what I keep, and creating calm spaces in my home helps my nervous system breathe. It’s not just about cleanliness. It’s about peace.

What I’m realizing is that these “hobbies” are not random. They all have something in common.

They soothe me. They regulate me. They help me feel safe. They help me feel like myself.

And maybe the biggest thing I’m learning is this.

Enjoyment is not something I have to earn.

I don’t have to wait until everything is perfect or healed or finished to let myself have small joys. I don’t have to justify what I like. I don’t have to explain why it matters. I can just… enjoy it.

And maybe that’s part of unmasking too.

Not just learning what overwhelms me, but learning what delights me.

xo,

jd

Thank you for being here. If any part of this resonated, I hope you feel a little less alone. I’m still learning, still unmasking, and still choosing compassion over shame one moment at a time.