UNMASKING AUTISM

This space is where I share my personal journey of unmasking, learning who I am beneath years of coping, performing, and surviving. Here, I write honestly about discovering my autistic identity, releasing expectations that were never mine to carry, and gently reconnecting with my true self.

These reflections are not clinical or perfect... they are real. They come from lived experience, faith, and the ongoing process of healing, understanding, and self-acceptance.

Why Movement Has Always Felt Like Home

When I dance, my body feels organized. When I dance, my mind gets quieter. When I dance, I feel present.

Jennifer DeSha

Feb 14

How Sunlight Regulates My Nervous System

If the sun is out, I’m out. No questions. No hesitation. I will be on the patio for hours, just laying there like I’m solar powered, reading, resting, soaking it in. The moment sunlight hits my skin, something in my body calms down.

Jennifer DeSha

Feb 14

What I’m Learning About Autism and Eating

As I got older, I tried to fix it the ways most of us are taught to fix it. More discipline. More workouts. More rules. More guilt. But the harder I tried to control it, the more I felt stuck in a cycle that didn’t make sense to me.

Jennifer DeSha

Feb 14

What I Thought Was a Flaw Was a Signal

I used to make sure I was alone. I would wait until I was in the car by myself, or in a private space, or somewhere no one could hear me. Because it felt wrong. It felt abnormal. It felt like something you would get in trouble for. Like evidence that I was out of control or “bad.”

Jennifer DeSha

Feb 10

Finally Letting Myself Enjoy Life

Because as I learn more about my autistic experience, I’m realizing that I’m allowed to have joy that doesn’t need to be productive. I’m allowed to like what I like. I’m allowed to spend time on things that soothe my senses, regulate my nervous system, and make me feel present in my body.

Jennifer DeSha

Feb 7

A Tiny Tool That Changed Everything

When I wear them, the world feels less sharp. Less chaotic. Less demanding. It’s like my nervous system finally gets a little space to breathe, because it’s not constantly bracing for sudden sounds, overlapping conversations, clanking dishes, loud engines, store music, or that general public noise that most people seem to filter out without thinking.

Jennifer DeSha

Feb 6

Listening to My Nervous System

I keep going. I keep performing. I keep trying to function like nothing is wrong. And then my body hits a wall, my mind goes foggy, and I burn out so fast.

Jennifer DeSha

Feb 6

The Day the Dots Connected: My Autism Self-Diagnosis

I laugh when I say it like that, but I also remember the feeling so clearly. It was funny for half a second, and then it was sobering. Because it was not just a number on a screen. It felt like someone had handed me a key to a door I didn’t know existed.

Jennifer DeSha

Feb 4

I’m Not Picky, My Sensories Are Spicy

As I started learning about autism, I also started learning about safe foods. And once I had language for it, I saw it everywhere throughout my life.

Jennifer DeSha

Feb 3

I Didn’t Hate Reading, I Hated Reading With My Eyes

When I had to read for school, it was the worst thing ever for me. I dreaded it. I avoided it. I could stare at a page forever and somehow absorb nothing. Meanwhile, it felt like everyone around me loved reading. People talked about books like they were comfort and adventure and escape, and I just… did not get it.

Jennifer DeSha

Jan 31

When Sound Sends Me Into Shutdown

I had an internal meltdown and went straight into freeze mode. I could not think clearly. I could not speak normally. I could not orient myself the way other people seemed able to. My body just locked up, like it was trying to protect me by shutting everything down.

Jennifer DeSha

Jan 31

When My Inside Is Falling Apart and the Outside Looks Fine

For as long as I can remember, it has felt so strange to live with two realities at once. On the outside, everything around me can look steady and unfazed. People are talking, moving, laughing, continuing on like nothing happened.

Jennifer DeSha

Jan 29

Learning That I Still Love to Color

A few weeks ago, I picked up a coloring book again. This time with good paper, smooth markers, and pencils that actually blended the way I wanted them to. And almost instantly, something in me softened.

Jennifer DeSha

Jan 24