The Day the Dots Connected: My Autism Self-Diagnosis

Welcome to my Unmasking Autism series. This is where I share what I’m learning as I begin to understand my autistic experience and gently come home to myself. These posts are personal, honest, and written with tenderness for the parts of me that have spent years surviving.

When I Took the Test and Everything Shifted

In May of 2025, a lot of things were starting to come to a head in my life. I was carrying more than I realized, and the “little things” were no longer little. Everything felt louder, heavier, more confusing, and more exhausting than it seemed to be for everyone else.

Around that same time, my best friend had been diagnosed as autistic just a few months prior.

So one day, on a hard day, I did what a lot of us do when we feel like we’re spiraling and trying to make sense of ourselves.

I took an online autism screening test, like the ones you can easily find with a quick search.

And my results were basically…“Gurrrrrrl, you is AUTISTIC.”

Take your self-assessment here!

I laugh when I say it like that, but I also remember the feeling so clearly. It was funny for half a second, and then it was sobering. Because it was not just a number on a screen. It felt like someone had handed me a key to a door I didn’t know existed.

It was validation.

It was grief.

It was relief.

It was fear.

It was clarity.

All at once.

5 27 25: The Date I Finally Had Language

On 5 27 25, I self-diagnosed with autism.

I have not gotten a formal diagnosis yet, although it is in my plans. But for the time being, it has not been necessary for me to begin understanding myself differently. Receiving that language and framework has already changed my life.

And honestly, this is one of those areas where I am deeply grateful for the World Wide Web.

There is so much helpful information out there. Stories. Research. Real-life experiences. Education from autistic creators and clinicians. Community. Vocabulary that I did not have as a child or even as an adult.

Once I began learning, I could not stop learning.

Because suddenly, so many things made sense.

Tracing It Back and Watching My Life Reorganize

After that day, I started tracing it back through my family.

I began noticing patterns, traits, and similarities I had never thought twice about. I started making connections in my family tree and in my own life and world. Things I used to label as “quirks” or “personality” or “why am I like this?” began to look like something much more consistent.

And it did not feel like I was making things up.

It felt like I was finally seeing clearly.

It was like the dots connected backward through my whole life.

Childhood experiences. Friendships. School. Work. Sensory overwhelm. Social exhaustion.

The way I communicate. The way I recover. The way I get stuck. The way I hyperfocus. The way I feel everything.

So many memories got re filed under a new category.

Not broken.Not dramatic.Not too much.

Autistic.

And what’s wild is that the dots still connect all the time. Even now, as I continue learning, I will have moments where something clicks and I just sit there like…

Oh. That too.

Autism has played a huge role in my life. I just did not have the words for it.

What This Means for Me Now

Self-diagnosis did not change who I am.

It explained who I have always been.

It gave me compassion for the younger versions of me who struggled silently. It gave me a starting point for unmasking. It gave me a new lens for my needs, my limits, and the way my nervous system works.

And maybe most importantly, it gave me permission to stop forcing myself into shapes I was never meant to fit.

I do not know exactly what the journey looks like from here. But I do know this.

I am not lost anymore.

I am learning. I am unmasking. I am coming home to myself.

Thank you for being here. If any part of this resonated, I hope you feel a little less alone. I’m still learning, still unmasking, and still choosing compassion over shame one moment at a time.

xo,

jd