How I am Learning to Listen to My Nervous System
- Jennifer DeSha
- Feb 6
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 11
Welcome to my Unmasking Autism series. This is where I share what I’m learning as I begin to understand my autistic experience and gently come home to myself. These posts are personal, honest, and written with tenderness for the parts of me that have spent years surviving.
Regulation Feels Like a Never Ending Journey
I’m realizing that learning how to regulate is not a one time lesson. It feels like a never ending journey. I am learning to recognize when I am not regulated, and I am also learning how to navigate it once I am already there.
And honestly, it is a lot.
For most of my life, I didn’t have language for what was happening in my body. I just knew that sometimes I felt “off.” Sometimes everything felt too loud, too fast, too heavy. Sometimes I felt like I was crawling out of my own skin. And sometimes I didn’t realize I was dysregulated until I was already deep into survival mode.
That’s the part that gets me.
Because when I don’t recognize it, I push through.
I keep going. I keep performing. I keep trying to function like nothing is wrong. And then my body hits a wall, my mind goes foggy, and I burn out so fast.
It’s like my nervous system is waving a flag and I’m ignoring it because I’m used to doing that.
What Unregulated Feels Like in My Body
I’m learning to pay attention to my own signals, and this is what dysregulation feels like for me.
It feels like angst in my nervous system. It feels like anxiety that doesn’t have a clear reason. Sometimes it feels like panic without a trigger I can explain.
My body feels restless and urgent.
I can’t sit still. I can’t focus. I pace. I start scanning everything. My thoughts get louder. My chest feels tight. My patience disappears.
And it is such a terrible place to be.
Because it impacts my entire existence. It affects how I think, how I speak, how I respond to people, how I interpret situations, how I handle stress, how I sleep, how I eat, how I move through the day.
Nothing feels neutral when I’m in that state.
Everything feels like too much.
And if I don’t catch it early, I go into survival mode without realizing it. I start operating from urgency instead of clarity, from coping instead of choice. And then it doesn’t take long before
I’m depleted.
Learning What Helps Me Come Back
The hopeful part is that I’m also learning what regulation feels like and what helps me return to it.
I’m learning all the ways my nervous system likes to regulate, and I’ll be honest, that is also a lot. Because it isn’t one magic trick. It’s a whole menu of needs, and I’m still figuring out what works depending on the day.
Sometimes I need quiet. Sometimes I need movement. Sometimes I need pressure, like a weighted blanket, tight socks, or being wrapped up. Sometimes I need to stim. Sometimes I need to eat a safe food. Sometimes I need to be alone. Sometimes I need to cry. Sometimes I need to do something repetitive with my hands.
And sometimes I need to stop asking myself to “push through” and start asking myself one gentle question.
What do I need right now to feel safe in my body?
That question is changing everything for me.
Because regulation is not about becoming a person who never struggles.
It’s about becoming a person who can notice sooner, respond with compassion, and come back to herself without shame.
I’m learning. I’m practicing. I’m not perfect at it.
But I’m listening now.
And for the first time, that feels like progress.
xo,
jd
Thank you for being here. If any part of this resonated, I hope you feel a little less alone. I’m still learning, still unmasking, and still choosing compassion over shame one moment at a time.
If you’re new here, welcome. I share honest, lived experience posts on unmasking autism, including signs of autistic burnout in adults, regulating sensory overload, safe foods and picky eating, noise sensitivity supports, and what it looks like to unmask as an adult woman.
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